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Clients and Services

He Asked Me: Am I Bi Now ??

He worked all day driving. Exhausted, he knew he needed a relaxing massage. He told his wife he would be home late from work. He saw my ad on FuckBookHookups or Doublelist, I can’t remember which, and he thought hooking up with me for a massage was exactly what he needed—a relaxing, sensual, erotic time with another man. He had been with a few men over the years beginning when he was a kid. He is divorced and had been seeking a LTR. 

He told me he had seen my profile many times and decided to finally connect. I responded saying I would make him feel totally relaxed. That sounds good, he said. I said my place is very safe, private, clean and chill. 

He came inside and immediately I felt his nerves. I saw it on his face. I’m calm.He needed to use the restroom and I showed him where. After driving all day he really needed to go. I showed him around he commented on how comfortable he felt. He was very good looking and we both saw attraction immediately. 

We sat down and started talking, he said he had been curious about me and he was ready to experience the touch of a another man. His curiosity was overpowering. He said he was willing to allow himself the pleasure of feeling aroused by another man. 

I’m all about encouraging you to be willing and open to explore. We had a really great conversations about a number of things, and that’s when he asked , “Does this make me gay ?”

I said that’s a great question. No. This does not make you gay. Men have been nurtured by other men for millennia. It’s the heavy hand of organized religion that made this ugly and wrong. It is neither. It is healthy for men to nurture each other. Men touching men can be very erotic and nurturing. Touch is powerful, it simply feels good. I really think all men should experience sensual touch from another man. Most of us were deprived of basic touch from our own fathers growing up.

So, again, does this make you bisexual ? Gay ? Only if you’re open and accepting of another man to love as a partner in life. If you’re open to building a relationship with a man that starts with trust, love, loyalty and friendship, if your aroused by him, if you like his mind, if you find yourself interested in exploring more with him like love and companionship then yes, you are bisexual. But if you’re only interested in men for sex, then NO, you just like men for sex—PERIOD. 

There are a lot men who only enjoy sex with a man but can only see themselves married to a woman. Why ? I don’t know, it’s the million dollar question. My guess is fear of those closest to them judging them and seeing them differently. It takes courage and truth to be open and accepting to be a bisexual man or a gay man.

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Clients and Services

You’re a Sexy Fucker

These days, so often I wonder why guys have such a hard time accepting a compliment. 

Generally speaking, and yes I said generally, guys just don’t accept compliments well. Maybe they accept it more if it comes from a woman, or maybe it’s that their confidence feels better if it comes from a woman. Either way I think if anyone, boy, girl, man or woman gives you a compliment—yeah bitch—accept it with good manners and say thank you. It’s when the exchange becomes creepy, that’s the real problem. 

When I was in my teens I was hit on by every older creep you can imagine. A compliment from them was just a ploy to fuck me. But today, I like compliments because I’m stronger and more confident to be able to accept them. I think to accept compliments from anyone you must have a certain level of confidence in yourself. It’s easy to learn. I mean, no one is teasing you or insinuating anything, they are giving you a compliment. Sure you’ll feel awkward at times but over time, be happy someone is complimenting you and feel good about it, that is what a compliment does for you, makes you feel good. And foremost, good manners will have you replying, “Thank you for the compliment,” no matter who gives it to you. So to be disrespectful to someone who has complimented you, regardless of who it is, is just plain rude. You should check yourself. Now I’m not suggesting all compliments are the same but one that is nice and respectful—what is the problem ? It’s a nice a nice gesture. 

No one owes anyone anything for a simple compliment. Sometimes people use compliments as a way to come onto you, however awkward at first, just say thanks and go on with your bad self. Simple. Just be respectful and thankful someone other than your mother notices you.

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Observations

Open Relationships…WTF !?

I was married nearly 17 years. On the third date we decided to be “exclusive.” I told him then I could never be monogamous, it would be a lie and I could never honestly commit to that and remain faithful. He said thank God. That’s when I knew we were partners. 

For us it wasn’t unique by any stretch, I mean, we were San Franciscans, a place where pretty much anything goes. He died a San Franciscan. By all standards we were your stereotypical Californians. We pretty much hit every stereotype on the list. I still am that same person. Though I don’t try to live by those standards, I just am. And I can’t be monogamous. Do guys lie when they say they are 100% monogamous and still are sexually satisfied throughout their relationships ? I think so. I think men who are 100% monogamous are the minority and very rare. So what is monogamy ? Is jacking off with a buddy on the side monogamous ? Is getting a blow job at the video booths in a dirty book store monogamous ? Is letting a guy jack you off monogamous ? Well technically no. I think being 100% monogamous is allowing only your partner the pleasure to please you in every way sexually—period. I just can’t be that. I can not please your every sexual desire but I want my partner to have that.

For me sex is a tool. It bonds me closer to my partner. It something we share together and have fun doing it. It brings us closer together. And then sex is also a way to release stress, a quick jack off session and done. Sex for me is also a recreational way to have fun. Sometimes I enjoy sex with multiple partners and sometimes just one on one. Sex is fun in a circle jerk or at a bathhouse. Sex is great in a gym bathroom, stroking with a bud. Sex is great and can be a lot of fun. But sex is not the defining factor for a relationship with a partner. It’s just not.

A partnership is so much more than sex. For me a partnership is based on loyalty and trust—I will have your back no matter what. We will stick together no matter the circumstance, I will have your back. I will be as honest as I possibly can, always. I will always communicate with you no matter what it is. I’m the guy who mentions the elephant in the room, I bring out into the open so we can talk about it. If you piss me off, I will talk about it. If I fuck up, I’m willing to talk about that too. Whatever it is, we can talk it out and get through it. I will be loyal to you no matter what, that’s the decision I made when I said I will be your partner. I will be home for you, take care of you, sleep with you, love you unconditionally. I will be the bestest friend you have ever had. I will be the guy who knows all your inner secrets and you will know mine. I am the one who will take care of you throughout our time together no matter what. I will be solid and stand up for you. I will be the one who loves you forever and always, even if we split, because I just don’t love someone and then take it away, my love lasts forever. Sex will never clinch the deal, it’s you and you alone. Who you are, the person you are, that’s what bonds me to you, sex is just a tool to bring us together. 

I never expect my partner to be everything for me. He can not be my psychiatrist or my only best friend. He can not be my hobby or the stand-in when I’m bored. He can not be my brother or father. He can not be everything for me, it’s just not possible and it’s not true. We need to face that. I’m with him because I love him and like him and because I simply want to be around him and with him. What bonds us is loyalty and our commitment to that, to be loyal for each other, that is what bonds us. It’s not sex. Sex can not make you love me. My naked body can not make you love me. I’m not owned by anyone and neither is he. We are with each other because we want to be. Trust in that is the key. I must be able to trust you. That means it’s necessary to know you want to be with me no matter what, that is what defines a relationship for me. 

Sex is just sex it doesn’t define love, loyalty or trust. It’s a tool that brings us closer, it relieve stress and it’s for fun. So to totally rely on sex as the only element that keeps us together is a fragile concept that is ultimately doomed for failure. How many men do you know who are in marriages that are sexless ? Why are they together ? It can’t be the lack of sex. There are pertinent reasons you stay with your partner and sex is probably the last reason, for men anyway. Men think of sex very differently than women, we all know this even women do. But women still put a heavy burden on sex as the key to their the strength of their relationships. It has to be hormonal, that’s it, because on paper, it just doesn’t make sense.